updates from a Christian Canefan

another year older

2010-01-11T04:44:00.000-08:00

I dread this time of year. My birthday is right around the corner. I used to hate my birthday because of an entire ordeal brought on by my grandmother over my adoption. Now i hate it because i feel like a failure. Yes, i know, God dont make no junk, but this feeling comes from the external forces that the world places on us. I know, God is more important. It would appear that i struggle with world alot. Let me explain.

1) Im going to be 37 and do not have a career.
This is pretty high up on my problems. I am going to be 37 and i have been messing around in college for far too long. My 2 year degree took 3. My bachelors took 11. Thats 14 years for a 4 year degree. Next week i begin working on my masters in professional counseling. Who knows how long this will take, although history would suggest that i should finish it by the time i am 60. Also, i started college as a music major, switched to criminal justice, then to air conditioning, then to christian ministry, and now, professional counseling.

2) I am supposed to be a provider.
I will have been married for 10 years this summer. For one part of our first year of marriage i was the main moneymaker. Ever since, my wife has made significantly more than me. I normally would not care, but the world teaches us that men are supposed to provide for our families. strike 2

3) My health sucks.
Last year i had a fake heart attack, supposed liver problems, severe illness, bad back, bad knees, a ridiculously high blood pressure. You are supposed to get less healthy. That scares me.

I hate birthdays. well, just one birthday. Prayin God changes this heart.

Keanu Reeves does not care that at this rate my son and i may finish college at the same time.

UH May Zing

2009-11-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

We had a great night at Fusion last night. There were over 70 kids there. We have been discussing Angels and Demons. Not the movie, actual Angels and Demons. We heard (in video form) from a lady who wrote a break up letter to the devil. She made the statement that she was done being decieved and lied to. What a great thought. How many times do we sit there and believe the father of lies and begin to live like they are true. In our small group time, the juniors and seniors actually opened up about what they have been lied to about and believed. It made me think of all the lies that we have believed and followed. Why is it so hard for us to believe the truth that God has revealed but we all to easily follow satans lies with almost no problem.

Keanu Reeves does not care about Buddy the elf. (You sit on a throne of LIES)

Moving on

2009-10-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

This is my first post in quite some time, and i have some new things to share.

First of all, it appears that I have (or not) a heart attack. I was coaching a volleyball game when I started feeling chest pains at the beginning of the final match of the season. Had all the symptoms. Good thing our bus driver was also an emt. He checked me out and immediatly called 911. Ambulance came and my blood pressure was 192/129. They immediatly transported me to the hospital. I was kept there 3 hours and sent home. Upon following up with my doctor, who was angry that i was sent home and not kept for observations, i was scheduled for a nuclear stess test. (side effects included death...stress test indeed) I am still waiting the official results, but the initial reports showed parts of my heart were not getting blood...which the nurse said usually indicates a heart attack, or prelude to a heart attack.

Second, I have left my family and friends behind at the roots commuity. It was a tough decision, but I knew that God was behind it. Jesse, my head pastor and friend for about 17 years was sad to see me go, but sent me out with his blessing and prayers. As a matter of fact, the wonderful people at roots all sent me out with praise and prayers. We have moved to Northridge, the church that is over the school where i teach.

I initially came to Northridge to help Pastor James with Fusion, his youth group. I have also been asked to restart up their college ministry. This is an amazing opprotunity. Already building great relationships there, and strengthining the ones i started with at the school.

I am so thankful that God has not allowed me to get in the way of all that He is doing, and even more thankful that He has included me in His plans for building His church here in central florida.

Please continue to keep Sue and I in your prayers, not only for ministry, but in the fact that we are almost finished potty training a soon to be 3 yr old.

Keanu Reeves does not care that I could not go through airport security for 24 hours following my nuclear stess test (and no, that is not a lie, i was warned by the doctors)

I dont get it

2009-04-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

Another one of my students passed away this week. He was a seventh grader. I met him as a sixth grader who was in small ammounts of trouble. We helped him turn around and get back on track. He was riding a motorcycle and lost control and hit a car. The side mirror hit his face and sent bones into his brain. He died instantly. I dont understand why I do the things I do. Why I did so many stupid things and am still here. He makes a mistake and he is gone. Every once in a while i wish i could know and understand Gods thoughts. What made this a good thing. I think the part that is killing me the most is I do not know if he was saved or not. Never even came up. So, again, why am i doing what i do. I know God knows what He is doing...i just wish i did

Proverbs 31

2009-03-04T20:55:00.001-08:00

I spoke about the Proverbs 31 woman tonight. To a group of teens. They seemed to listen. I did too. I have the greatest wife ever. Thats because she is who God wanted me to be with. She lives up to that checklist. And that makes me the luckiest man alive. I love you sue. Forever.

Im Done

2009-03-04T20:46:00.000-08:00

Polk County has me frustraited. I have never been this sick. Since January 23 i have been either sick or dealing with a sick family member. Not even one day off. Thats over a month. This is pathetic. I have had fevers, coughs, diaherea, vomit, naseua. I am the pepto bismal commercial. The weird part is that while my physical body lies in a state of what feels like near death, my spiritual self is somehow stronger than it has been in a while. Maybe its because all this down time has let me reconnect with God through His word and prayer. Maybe its because I can see people going out of their way to help me and my family. I have had people run out to get stuff for me or my sick child when i could not leave. Maybe it was my wife sitting up with me all nite when my fever was over 102. Maybe it was me being able to help my wife a week later when here fever was over 103. Or maybe it was the fact that God finally woke me up and said "hey, Im talking here." Either way, I know all things go to give God the glory, but I dont know how much more i can take. Im done.

Keanu Reeves does not care about this nasty stinking flu bug going around

A funny thing happened at the doctors office today

2009-01-09T22:38:00.000-08:00

I went in with a stomach ache and left with a heart problem.

No, i am not joking. My blood pressure was 150 over 98. They ordered an ekg. They shaved patches of my chest. The ekg came back ok. Then the doctor listened to my heart. She asked me if i everhad issues before. She called it mitro valve prolapse. The valve does not cover the opening the way it should. Normally not an issue, but she was very concerned with that and my high blood pressure. So, she ordered extensive blood work and and echo cardio gram, kinda like an ultra sound for your heart. Wants to see how bad the valve is and if there are any tears in the heart. I am on Blood pressure meds now. I am guessing a diet too. And start my excercise program this week...riding a bike home from work. 5miles. All this because my tummy hurt. and because i promised my wife i would get a check up. and because i want to live long enough to see my son grow into a strong man of God. I hate doctors, but am grateful for them.

Keanu reeves does not care about me not going out for fast food anymore.

Ground Hog Day

2009-01-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

At our saturday night service I was truly blessed. As it has been the last bunch of meetings, we devoted the evening to prayer (both learning about it and doing it). The blessing I got was from one of our 20 somethings prayer. She prayed outloud, in front of the group. That evening so did alot of people.
What made hers touching was the way she prayed. It was very personal. It was honestly a conversation between her and God. She poured her heart out. She scolded herself for not waking up everyday remembering all the amazing things God did for her the day before. Her tears were real, her prayer was real, and her difficulties were real.
This made me start to think of all the times that I woke up each morning and began to wonder if God could really get me through the day. Why is it that so many times we need to have God re-demonstrate to us how awesome He really is? Then, of course, my A.D.D. kicked in.
Ground Hog Day. No, not February 2nd. The movie. You know the one with Andie Mcdowell and Bill Murray. "...I got you babe". What if everymorning when we woke up the alarm clock played the same song? Awesome God, God of Wonders, Never Let Go, Always There For You (had to reference Stryper), any song that reminded us that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If we heard that everymorning I would like to think that after a while, the ideas would stick with us and we could save some valuable time.
It does not work that way. So until that day comes I will join my sister in prayer that we will remember that God is number one in our lives, everyday, in every situation, no matter what.

Keanu Reeves does not care about Sonny and Cher

Of the random variety

2008-12-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

Usually my blogs have a point. Not this one.

1) I like buffets.
2) Football makes me happy
3) Jesus makes me joyful
4) Christmas songs are good and fun to sing along with
5) The bird is the word!
6) Coaching girls basketball really tests you patience
7) Guns and Roses sings a song called Patience.
8) Guitar Hero does not make you a musician
9) buh buh buh bird bird bird, the bird is the word
10) Being a musician does not make you an expert at Guitar hero
11) Everybodies heard about the Bird
12) for some reason "The Coloring Song" by Petra makes me laugh.
13) so does the word Duty
14) my parents were right...the trash really wont take itself out
16) I sometimes skip the number 15
17) I actually like fruitcake
18) Snack packs are made up of pudding, plastics, and love

Thanks for reading.

Keanu Reeves does not care about the bird bird bird, the bird is the word. everybodies heard about the bird, every body knows that the bird is the word. buh buh buh bird bird bird bird bird buhbird

Passing

2008-11-26T14:25:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine went to be with the Lord today. I knew it was only a matter of time until this happened. I thought I was going to be mad and sad. Im not. I am jealous. He is spending eternity with his heavenly Father. I am left here to pick up the pieces. I heard about the last time he spoke at church. He said that God was good before, good now, and will continue to be good long after he is gone.

Orly was the first person I met at Living Hope my first time there. I was wearing a UM t-shirt and he was the greeter, wearing a dolphins jersey. We must have spoke for about 20 minutes, all about football. This became our tradition. Every Sunday we would speak about the canes and dolphins, win or loose. We grew closer through promise keepers and other church activities. He was always filled with Gods joy.

I wish I had more time with him. Over the last few years we talked less, but every time we saw each other, the talk still turned to the dolphins and canes. God has called one of his best servants home and Orly will now get to spend eternity with Him. You will be missed, Orly.

Passing on the Mouse

2008-11-23T22:21:00.000-08:00

This past saturday, my wife and I took our 2 year old to Disney for his birthday. One of my best friends and my parents went with us. He was so happy when he got to see the mickey mouse from his tv come to life. He giggled, laughed and smiled. That made the trip worth while. I was happy (even with a minor fight with the wife) like I had not been in a long time. He was so happy to be there, even though he had no idea where he was. All he wanted to do was run around. With all his running on the toon town playground, he did always look around to make sure one of us was there. He was having fun but also knew where to find us.

THis was an amazing day. I love my son and my wife so much. Today, this blog is to thank God for blessing me with a family i do not deserve. God delvered me out of so much. He always took me back even when i was far away. God and a few others saw what I could be and God made me what He wanted, and gave me an incredible family. Thank you God, for giving me what i dont deserve and taking my place so that I dont get what i do deserve.

Keanu Reeves does not care about the six foot tall rat

Where Laptops Go To Die

2008-10-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

The answer to the title of my blog is...INTO MY POSSESSION!!!!

I currently own 2 laptops. Both of them are very valuable paper weights. The first one was fixed by my good friend Chuck. It was dead, and he revivied it. This becomes important later.

For my new teaching job, I went out and brought a brand new laptop. I had it about 3 weeks. Then, it stopped loading. I bought the new warranty for it ( the extra one) and took it back to Best Buy. I recieved a call later that week and they told me my laptop had ants. I thought this was a new bug or virus. The Geek Squad told me this was not a virus. My computer became a nesting pad for a beautiful family of 500 ants. So I went back to the afore mentioned laptop that my friend fixed.

This laptop worked great...for 2 weeks. You see, I have 2 wonderful blessings in my house. My wonderful son, Devin, and my adorable weiner dog Oscar Mateo (went away from the mayer middle name and chose a name from the movie Anaconda). One of these 2 blessings, and by the bite marks it looks like it was my son, chewed through the power cable ( unplugged) leaving me again laptopless.

I do have a home computer. It works great, only we have no home internet. You see, my wife and I decided that home internet as not a luxury we needed. We are part of a church plant. Even though everyone else planting with us is raising support, I decided to use the gifts that God gave me and got a job teaching at a Christian school. As a youth pastor it kept me plugged in with teens and gave me daily practice sharing the gospel. I took the money I would spend on cable and internet and going out to eat to help a friend who is doing ministry. It is a sarifice that, while difficult, is well worth while and I feel that God is blessing Sue and I.

Continue to pray for Sue and I as we journey with our friends in this church plant.

Keanu Reeves does not care about Ant Infested Laptops.

Does Football Really Matter?

2008-10-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

I know what you are thinking. Yes, my canes lost a close game and we are no sitting with 2 losses. You may also guess that I would not question whether or not football matters if my team was undefeated right now. Well, I would still question it.

I love it when at the end of a game players from both teams join together at the 50 and pray. To a player, football matters. For the players that gather after the game to pray, it just does not matter the most. These players get it. Its a game. Its a job. Its an activity they enjoy greatly. It is not the most important thing. God is. Plain and simple. Even when a team beats another by 30 or 40 points, you will still see players from both teams gathering to pray at the end of the game.

How come these football players get it and most fans dont. And I dont mean just with football. Is my job more important than God? Is my paycheck? Is my family? I have all those things because God has blessed me with them. Anyone who has seen my wife can tell that God had something to do with that. She is gorgeous, smart, and a true Proverbs 31 woman. I was none of that when we married. I was average looking, in my 12th year of college with a 2 year degree, and slowly becoming a man of God. So why should I worry about a paycheck, a job, or my family when I am living proof that God provides.

As far as football goes, I hate it when my canes lose. I hate it so much that I will not watch sports center for the week following a loss for fear that a highlight may show up. I dont even want to talk football with anyone who is not a canes fan. The sad part is that sometimes that transfers over to my non football life.

You see, when I loose a job, or a paycheck does not come in, I shut down. I dont want to talk about finances. I dont want to see a bill or a bank statement. I know that is wrong, and I am working on it. What I need to do is, after a "loss" in life is to grab some of my close friends and gather at "midfield" to pray. Thank you, football players, for helping me to see something I should have been doing all along...and GO CANES

Keanu Reeves does not care about the Canes getting their swagger back.

Squirrel Comando Assault Squad

2008-09-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

This is about squirrels. Not just any squirrels, the commando assault squirrels that live in the tree outside my apartment. At first I thought it was a coincidence. But lately, everytime I go to my car, an acorn is thrown at me. And my wife. And my dog and son. I actually saw one throw an acorn. It was funny, but its time to stop. I am going on an all out offensive. Im not talking setting a trap or throwing an acorn back. I am talking about full Bill Murray in Caddyshack offensive. Look at squirrels. Its Clobberin time.

Keanu Reeves does not care about the Squirrel Commando Assault Squad.

2008-09-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, leave it to me to not post for 2 weeks, then hit two posts in one day. We had an amazing chapel today at school. At the end, the pastor asked everyone who had a relationship with Christ to stand and then prayed for the others. We had 4 or five students not stand up. Immediatly after chapel, one of the girls went to her teacher, our schools coach/athletic director and started asking questions. We had been praying for her since the second day of school. In a setting of PE class, this young lady accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior.

Even when things are going wrong in our lives, God shows us what is realy important. All of my "little" problems today disappeared so that I could rejoice in gaining a sister in Christ. This is only the third week of school and God is moving in these kids lives. It is amazing to see God at work. THere is another boy at our school who is looking to reconnect with Christ and a few others who say that there relationship is in question. Please pray that these kids may see Christ through my life and the lives of the other faculty and staff at this school.

No Keanu comment on this post...Its all about God.

2008-09-03T03:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it has been a while since my last post, and with good reason...I AM AMISH!!!

Not really. It just seems that way. Polk County smudged my wifes electronic fingerprints, which, by the way, is supposed to be impossible to do. This smudge delayed her processing until August 31st, which is the day after paychecks went out. That means that she will not get a paycheck until September 30th. That also means that we are poor. We have no money for luxuries such as internet and cable.

It actually has not been that bad. We spend more time together as a family, which is always a good thing.

My job is amazing. The teachers here at Northridge are treating me like I am part of their family. The students are great as well. Most of them actually seem to want to learn. Homework is actually being done at home. The church staff is also great here...even though they dont like my Miami Hurricanes.

The Church plant is going great. We are now the Roots Community. Things are really taking off and starting to look up. Chuck and myself are helping out a youth pastor in the area. Jon is fairly new at youth ministry, but his passion for teens is incredible. And, he has a desire to learn. Plus, I will be discipling the students who came up to do the church plant with us.

Keanu Reeves does not care about the Baconater (Wendys greatest sandwich to date)

Realy?

2008-08-14T06:07:00.001-07:00

I know that we are all human. I know we are all sinners. I also understand that Christians are saved by grace and grace alone. I do not understand how people who are supposed to be Gods people act like they dont know who God is.

I feel like I am alone in this place. I have friends who are here, a wife who is loving, and ministers who are in the same boat as I am. I even met a guy who is slowly becomming a great friend. Why do I still feel alone. God called me here and I followed. With all these great people around, why does it feel like its just me and God.

Is it because I am relying on the other people and not relying on God alone. Is it because I am putting faith in men and not God alone. What is God trying to teach me through this. All I can do is cling to God right now, because man has really let me down.

Keanu Reeves does not care about the ongoing battle of SuperWallmart vs Super Target

2+2= chair

2008-08-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am now a math teacher. I am at a great school where everyone is trying to help each other. It is day two and my room looks worse than when I walked in. I have teacher suplements all over the room, posters all over the floor, and the room has a sense of dread.

I almost feel like it is appropriate since dread is what most teens feel when they walk into a math class. Of course, I feel like I am the one to change that. My teaching style has always been to wow the kids with something. The problem is that math is not a wow subject. Math is more of a woe subject. So that is issue one that I have to deal with.

I love this school, and I have yet to see the students. Every teacher has been very helpful. It actually seems like it is a family setting. I know how to do the math, so that will come easy. I am not sure where my nerves are comming from.

This week I get to start working with a local youth pastor and his youth group. I am looking forward to being a servant. I want to help out whenever and however I can.

My son got into the daycare of the school I am working at. I did not do well dropping him off. He cried...and he cried "Daddy!". That was gut-wrenching. Ten minutes later, he was running around having a blast. That hurt too. God answered our prayers to get him into a good daycare.

My wife is voulenteering this week. Her electronic fingerprints smudged. Think about that for a second. They are electronic. Smudge free. She wont get paid until the fingerprints clear. Pray for that.

I need to go decorate my room. Or at least try to.

Keanu Reeves does not care about the lack of decor in my class room.

Lesson learned

2008-08-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, so God decided to show me just how wrong I could be. I was not finding Joy. Rather, let me say that I was taking my joy in what God could do, not what He is. To update my last post, I now have a job teaching at a school, my son had a daycare spot open up at that school, and God, one again is showing me that He really does take care of all my needs. I knew that. Thats what makes me feel bad, but in a good way.

You see, my pastor told me to preach to myself. All those lessons that I have taught my youth group, I needed to give to me. I did, and then God answered my prayers. How low am I to think that God would not take care of my family. In my prayer time I felt God telling me that its ok. God just does not give up on me. I am so thankful for that. I hope that I dont do this again.

My trip back to south florida was amazing. I took 3 of my new youth back with me so that they could say goodbye to their friends one last time before the school year starts. We had a blast, singing clasic rock songs, talking about favorite movies, songs, and even having them criticize me over my love of all things High School Musical. These kids have a passion for God and that inspires me. And they are great kids. I cant wait to continue watching them grow in faith.

I am enjoying my last few days in south fla with my best friend. We ate Publix Chicken, watched tv and just had fun. I have to clean my townhouse...i dont want to. I start work on Monday and that means my last days of summer will be spent cleaning.

So, as I go start my new life in Haines city, I am taking my new perspective on Joy with me. I will be counting it ALL joy...not just in what God can do, but Who GOD IS. Keep praying for us. thanks

Keanu Reeves does not care about the current state of the housing market in Florida.

count it all joy

2008-08-05T06:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am supposed to count it all joy. The Bible says that, in the book of James. Its even specific. It says to count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds. So why am I have trouble with this.

I know that my joy comes from God alone. Some of the most joyous moments I have ever experienced come from me trusting God and letting Him take control of situations that I know I cant handle.

This move to Haines City has been a great blessing and God has made everything work out so well. We found great housing at an even better price. My wife got a job before we ever found housing. Two of my closest friends made the move with us and the church to help with the youth group. Our Youth Group has a core group of around 8-10 kids who are amazing. I cant wait to start working with them. I have the final job interview for a teaching position that will hopefully allow me to do volleyball. And yet, my joy seems to be a work in progress.

My son has nowhere to go durring the day. The school I may work at has a great daycare, but it is full. I could scrap the teaching job and just get a night job so I can stay home with Devin durring the day. I dont want to make that decision because I want to let God continue to show me His way. I dont want the decision to be based out of fear or concern. I want it to be where God wants me.

So, this is what God means by trials of many kinds.

I did some fundraising yesterday. It went well. I am still waiting for God to take over that also.
My old company agreed to be a prayer partner with me. I dont know if they will help financially but the prayer is a great start.

So, here is my Joy. Knowing that God has always taken care of me. To the non believer that may not sound like joy, but for me, it truely is. I know that God will take care of my family and me in His way. He took care of us when I was not following what He called me to do. Looking back, I can see that God took care of me even when I was not following Him at all. I would be an idiot if I did not think He would continue taking care of me. Its just the worldly part of me that has concern.

Pray for me to continue to find joy in all the trials that I face. And pray that all our needs are met and that things continue to work out for us. Thank you in advance for the prayer.

Well, I gotta go. See you in the Four Corners area. I have to go start counting the Joy.

Keanu Reeves does not care about giving me back the money I spent watching the Lake House.

Keanu

2008-07-24T19:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, as this blog goes on, you will begin to notice that I have a dislike of actor Keanu Reeves. I dont know why. Most of his movies are at least entertaining. He has never done anything to me personally. I just dont think he can act. At all. Not even a little bit.
Look, the arguement can be made that he has some great movies. Point Break was amazing. So was Bill and Teds. He was a surfer type in both...not exactly a stretch. The problem with all his other movies is that he is still acting the part of the surfer.
Yes, The Matrix is a great movie and it had incredible special effects and a good supporting cast (Hugo Weaving may be the best badguy since Vader). But please dont tell me that Keanu acted well in that movie. Whoa.
Yes, the "Whoa" is a trademark for him, for better or worse. The problem is that even that whoa was done better by a "better" actor, one Mr. Joey Lawrence. Whoa indeed, Mr. Anderson.
Like I said, it is nothing personal and I even like some of his non surfer movies like the replacements and...well, pretty much just the replacements. It just frustraits me that he has a job that pays entirely too well and I dont. So when you see a random Keanu thought posted in one of my blogs, dont think i hate him. I just dont understand him. In other words...Keanu Reeves has a successful career...WHOA!

Keanu Reeves does not care about the rising costs of gas prices

A sign of respect

2008-07-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

We have been away from home for 2 weeks straight. We spent a week and a half in the area that will be our new home (the Haines City area) and 3 days in Cape Coral. While we were in Cape Coral, we learned of a police officer who had been shot in the face and killed while answering a domestic disturbance call. The local police were collecting money for the family. It was on the way home that i saw something that made me smile.
As we were leaving we saw hundreds of families lining the streets with American flags and posters. It looked like another fourth of July celebration. My wife and I were trying to figure out what was going on and then we drove past McGregor baptist church. There had to be 500 police cars and motorcycles in the parking lot. We put two and two together to figure out that all those people were there to pay respects to this fallen officer.
This almost brought me to tears. I don't know if it was the families lining up, or the fact that someone died the way he did, or if it was that so many police officers died where i live and i never once lined up to pay respects, but it made me think, and it made me reflect.
In just over one week I will be moving to Haines City and starting a new ministry. I will be helping youth get into relationships with Jesus Christ. I am experiencing almost every emotion due to this move. I am excited about the opprotunity, afraid of failure, sad to leave my old home, anxious about my income, and faithful that God will continue to bless me and my family.
After what I saw today, I wonder if my Christian life reflects the kind of respect that the officer got. Is my life lived in such a way that Jesus can be seen just by people watching my everyday goings-on?