another year older

I dread this time of year. My birthday is right around the corner. I used to hate my birthday because of an entire ordeal brought on by my grandmother over my adoption. Now i hate it because i feel like a failure. Yes, i know, God dont make no junk, but this feeling comes from the external forces that the world places on us. I know, God is more important. It would appear that i struggle with world alot. Let me explain.

1) Im going to be 37 and do not have a career.
This is pretty high up on my problems. I am going to be 37 and i have been messing around in college for far too long. My 2 year degree took 3. My bachelors took 11. Thats 14 years for a 4 year degree. Next week i begin working on my masters in professional counseling. Who knows how long this will take, although history would suggest that i should finish it by the time i am 60. Also, i started college as a music major, switched to criminal justice, then to air conditioning, then to christian ministry, and now, professional counseling.

2) I am supposed to be a provider.
I will have been married for 10 years this summer. For one part of our first year of marriage i was the main moneymaker. Ever since, my wife has made significantly more than me. I normally would not care, but the world teaches us that men are supposed to provide for our families. strike 2

3) My health sucks.
Last year i had a fake heart attack, supposed liver problems, severe illness, bad back, bad knees, a ridiculously high blood pressure. You are supposed to get less healthy. That scares me.

I hate birthdays. well, just one birthday. Prayin God changes this heart.

Keanu Reeves does not care that at this rate my son and i may finish college at the same time.

UH May Zing

We had a great night at Fusion last night. There were over 70 kids there. We have been discussing Angels and Demons. Not the movie, actual Angels and Demons. We heard (in video form) from a lady who wrote a break up letter to the devil. She made the statement that she was done being decieved and lied to. What a great thought. How many times do we sit there and believe the father of lies and begin to live like they are true. In our small group time, the juniors and seniors actually opened up about what they have been lied to about and believed. It made me think of all the lies that we have believed and followed. Why is it so hard for us to believe the truth that God has revealed but we all to easily follow satans lies with almost no problem.

Keanu Reeves does not care about Buddy the elf. (You sit on a throne of LIES)

Moving on

This is my first post in quite some time, and i have some new things to share.

First of all, it appears that I have (or not) a heart attack. I was coaching a volleyball game when I started feeling chest pains at the beginning of the final match of the season. Had all the symptoms. Good thing our bus driver was also an emt. He checked me out and immediatly called 911. Ambulance came and my blood pressure was 192/129. They immediatly transported me to the hospital. I was kept there 3 hours and sent home. Upon following up with my doctor, who was angry that i was sent home and not kept for observations, i was scheduled for a nuclear stess test. (side effects included death...stress test indeed) I am still waiting the official results, but the initial reports showed parts of my heart were not getting blood...which the nurse said usually indicates a heart attack, or prelude to a heart attack.

Second, I have left my family and friends behind at the roots commuity. It was a tough decision, but I knew that God was behind it. Jesse, my head pastor and friend for about 17 years was sad to see me go, but sent me out with his blessing and prayers. As a matter of fact, the wonderful people at roots all sent me out with praise and prayers. We have moved to Northridge, the church that is over the school where i teach.

I initially came to Northridge to help Pastor James with Fusion, his youth group. I have also been asked to restart up their college ministry. This is an amazing opprotunity. Already building great relationships there, and strengthining the ones i started with at the school.

I am so thankful that God has not allowed me to get in the way of all that He is doing, and even more thankful that He has included me in His plans for building His church here in central florida.

Please continue to keep Sue and I in your prayers, not only for ministry, but in the fact that we are almost finished potty training a soon to be 3 yr old.

Keanu Reeves does not care that I could not go through airport security for 24 hours following my nuclear stess test (and no, that is not a lie, i was warned by the doctors)

I dont get it

Another one of my students passed away this week. He was a seventh grader. I met him as a sixth grader who was in small ammounts of trouble. We helped him turn around and get back on track. He was riding a motorcycle and lost control and hit a car. The side mirror hit his face and sent bones into his brain. He died instantly. I dont understand why I do the things I do. Why I did so many stupid things and am still here. He makes a mistake and he is gone. Every once in a while i wish i could know and understand Gods thoughts. What made this a good thing. I think the part that is killing me the most is I do not know if he was saved or not. Never even came up. So, again, why am i doing what i do. I know God knows what He is doing...i just wish i did

Proverbs 31

I spoke about the Proverbs 31 woman tonight. To a group of teens. They seemed to listen. I did too. I have the greatest wife ever. Thats because she is who God wanted me to be with. She lives up to that checklist. And that makes me the luckiest man alive. I love you sue. Forever.

Im Done

Polk County has me frustraited. I have never been this sick. Since January 23 i have been either sick or dealing with a sick family member. Not even one day off. Thats over a month. This is pathetic. I have had fevers, coughs, diaherea, vomit, naseua. I am the pepto bismal commercial. The weird part is that while my physical body lies in a state of what feels like near death, my spiritual self is somehow stronger than it has been in a while. Maybe its because all this down time has let me reconnect with God through His word and prayer. Maybe its because I can see people going out of their way to help me and my family. I have had people run out to get stuff for me or my sick child when i could not leave. Maybe it was my wife sitting up with me all nite when my fever was over 102. Maybe it was me being able to help my wife a week later when here fever was over 103. Or maybe it was the fact that God finally woke me up and said "hey, Im talking here." Either way, I know all things go to give God the glory, but I dont know how much more i can take. Im done.

Keanu Reeves does not care about this nasty stinking flu bug going around

A funny thing happened at the doctors office today

I went in with a stomach ache and left with a heart problem.

No, i am not joking. My blood pressure was 150 over 98. They ordered an ekg. They shaved patches of my chest. The ekg came back ok. Then the doctor listened to my heart. She asked me if i everhad issues before. She called it mitro valve prolapse. The valve does not cover the opening the way it should. Normally not an issue, but she was very concerned with that and my high blood pressure. So, she ordered extensive blood work and and echo cardio gram, kinda like an ultra sound for your heart. Wants to see how bad the valve is and if there are any tears in the heart. I am on Blood pressure meds now. I am guessing a diet too. And start my excercise program this week...riding a bike home from work. 5miles. All this because my tummy hurt. and because i promised my wife i would get a check up. and because i want to live long enough to see my son grow into a strong man of God. I hate doctors, but am grateful for them.

Keanu reeves does not care about me not going out for fast food anymore.